"Shoulds"
Expectations. Think back to situations when your actions were guided by an expectation and how you felt in that moment. Try to remember 3 moments when you:
1. tried to create expectations about how to behave by setting an example or pressuring others (creating norms, ideology, social modeling)
2. tried to meet an expectation, tried to fit in (followed a norm)
3. tried to pressure yourself to live up to a certain standard, image, or expectation (followed an internalized norm)
"Coulds"
Values. Think back to situations when your actions were guided by a value and how you felt in that moment. Try to remember 2 moments when you:
1. observed a person being some way that was inspiring to you / you thought was really cool?
2. acted in a way that seemed like an expression of your self.
"Feelings"
Feeling patterns. Can you feel a difference in how you felt in your body when your actions were motivated by the shoulds (norms) vs the coulds (values)?
feelings in should moments:
feelings in could moments:
These feelings serve as a heuristic for recognizing if you are being guided by expectations or values. Once you can quickly sort yourself out, you'll be better able to tell the difference in other people. We call that skill 🥂Values Empathy. If you're not there yet, repeat this meditation on a piece of paper.