So how do you come up with a Hard Step? I'll take you through it step by step.
Before we start, we need a value to work with. Let's take this one, that I articulated at the beginning of the year:
Step 1: Come up with potential Hard Steps
When I try to come up with Hard Steps, I imagine myself in a situation in which I managed to live by my value. It worked out. What happened? Why did it work out? What was I able to do?
Fred did this back at home when he focused on what actions he would have needed to take to live by his value. What would be the instructions of a step by step recipe to get to that point?
I like to draw a timeline on a sheet of paper and pencil in the actions when I would have needed to take them. This way I can see what's missing between steps I already know of and I remember to not only think of the time of interaction itself but also of preparation, setup and other actions that take place outside the interaction I might have at first thought about, the date in Fred's case. You can think of this as a type of user journey or recipe for living by your value.
Next up I try to make the actions I came up with so far HARDER. To zoom in on exactly what is challenging about them. Whenever I encounter something that seems inevitable and potentially difficult to do, I ask myself what exactly is hard about doing this — how I might get stuck. And what I need to do, anticipate, or take into account to move through it.
In this first stage, I try to come up with many many potential hard steps, knowing I can polish them later. When I stumble upon a resource I need, a state I need to be in, social skills, potential distractions I need to avoid, I write them all down and know I can turn them into hard steps as I go along.
👉 Example — Potential Hard Steps Value: To approach scheduling as a conductor of my short and precious time on earth - The right calendar-, scheduling- and project management app to use. - Gaining a picture of a well-lived life at different time scales. - Navigating a good plan in the turmoil of spontaneous events and impulses - Not take on superfluous work projects I don't care about. - Not get sucked into my phone or TV. - A babysitter.
Sometimes what I find is a state I need to be in (Fred might have needed to be attuned to his internal experience), a resource I need to have in place (a babysitter in the box above, a break in the flow of conversation for Fred) or something I need another person to do (not get up and leave on Fred's date). When I stumble upon one of those states, I try to turn them into actions.
To do that, I ask myself:
- What do I need this resource for? What underlying action I need to fulfill does this resource address? The babysitter helps me "navigate child care constraints on my time."
- What is it that I can do to get closer to that state or resource, maybe long before the situation in which I want to live by my value ever comes about? Fred might want to meditate to find it easier to track his internal experience when much is happening around him.
- Is there a way to make these instructions ever more actionable, taking each slightly more concrete state I articulate and turning it into an action I can take? "Not take on superfluous work projects I don't care about" includes some of these more concrete steps: Reflect on what I care about regularly. Assess how new work projects relate to what I care about. Trade-off different things I care about. Remember to prioritize before spending time or committing to new projects. Remember opportunity cost before committing. Sitting with the discomfort of disappointing others. Etc..
But there is still more! Sometimes, when the thinking-through-it-step-by-step approach doesn't work, I use neat cheat-sheets to come up with Hard Steps.
One of them helps me zoom in on aspects of the situation that might be hard to deal with. To scan the context I am in for aspects I might need to take into account. The other helps me find concrete verbs to make high-level instructions more actionable. I'll tell you about the first one right now. The second one shall be revealed a bit later.
Cheat Sheet 1: Challenging aspects of the situation
Verbs that often go along with these aspects are added in grey. Check out the comments to see how I'd use these to help Fred find hard steps of his value (to act from a place of clarity about his own experience).
- The (right) equipment (to) remember, identity, find, arrange, collect, build, borrow ❓Do you need a special kind of equipment? What’s hard to do about knowing what you need or getting those things?
- The (right) people (to) identify, gather, select, find, get on board, convince, build relationships with ❓Does this value require a specific person? If so, what’s hard to do about gathering people who fit the criteria? What’s hard to do about knowing where to find them? What kind of information would you need to tell if someone is right? What’s hard to do about gathering that information? ❓What would you need to set up long in advance?
- The (right) time and timing (to) identify, notice, make, schedule ❓Does the moment need to be right? What would you need to be able to tell if the moment is right? What’s hard to do about evaluating that?
- The (right) setting (to) imagine, find, identify, set up, make, negotiate, decorate ❓Is this value easier in a specific setting? If so, what’s hard to do about creating that setting? ❓Do you need a certain mood or situation? If so, what’s hard to do about setting that mood / getting into that situation?
- Current capacity and needs (physical, intellectual, emotional) (to) Assess, bolster, provide support, keep in mind, make space for, listen to, ask about ❓ What do you need to be capable of handling as it unfolds? What is hard to do about that?
- Skills, ability (to) Assess, bolster, practice, grow, accommodate, keep in mind
- Current mood/emotions (to) Assess, make space for, acknowledge, change plans for, improvise, change gears, model, foresee, track, keep in mind ❓What do you need to be able to feel? What’s hard to do about that? What’s hard to do about knowing when you’re ready to handle and feel those things? ❓Do you need a certain mood? What’s hard to do about setting that mood? ❓Does this value require a person to be in a specific state? If so, what’s hard to do about getting people into that state? What kind of information would you need in order to tell if someone is in the right state? What’s hard to do about gathering that info? Is the state you/they need to be in fragile? What’s hard to do about getting yourself/others there?
- Limiting beliefs (to) notice, identify, name, process, make time for, sit with, keep in mind, not get drawn into
- Sense of safety, trust (to) Assess, reassure, call to mind, remember, remind, provide support, keep in mind, ask about ❓Are there reasons it might be unsafe to do this? What kind of information do you need to decide? What’s hard to do about figuring out whether it’s safe in this particular situation?
- How might they see and understand me (to) model, assess, step into their shoes, remember, ask about, listen to, adjust course
- Status, Relationship Durability, Communication, Willingness to cooperate (to) assess, take into account, change, remember, remind, track over time, change, ignore, make space for, address
- Consequences living by this value might have (to) assess, accept, sit with, make space for, hear out, mitigate, prepare for, remember, change, ignore
Step 2: Screen and Improve
You have a massive list of possible hard steps. Yay! Now it's time to doublecheck and polish them. I usually go through my list of hard steps and try to figure out how each one could be better:
Cheat Sheet 2: Action Verbs 🦸🏽♂️🦹🏻♀️
That fourth one, writing an instruction that could be followed, is usually most challenging. That is where the second Cheat Sheet comes into play. When I find myself unsure how to break a single action that is not sufficiently instructive to act on into several more specific actions, I look at this list of verbs:
- Noticing—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Attending to something, Tracking something.
- Feeling—Noticing, Identifying the emotion, Disentangling the immediate cause and associated beliefs.
- Focusing—Noticing, Selecting what to focus on, Attending to Something, Shifting focus, Tracking something over time, Keeping in mind, Staying in Touch with, Not getting distracted.
- Recognizing, Identifying—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Having a Referent (e.g. previous experience with the thing I am trying to identify)
- Gathering information, Finding out—Discovering, Investigating, Scanning for—Knowing what you need (to know, to look out for), Gaining access, Interpreting what you learn.
- Remembering, Recalling—Remembering how to do something or explicit knowledge, Having gained that knowledge, Remembering to remember.
- Generating, imagining alternatives (creativity)
- Assessing, discerning—Assessing, Evaluating, Discerning, Telling whether, Separating, Identifying.
- Deciding, Weighing, Choosing—Trading off, Prioritising, Balancing more than one concern, Choosing the best ... (team, time, space)
- Modeling, Foreseeing—Modeling interactions, Stepping into the shoes of the other, Foreseeing consequences, Anticipating.
- Changing Situations and Games—Making space for, Creating, Getting, Finding, Arranging, Collecting, Building, Borrowing, Asking for support with, Pausing, Rearranging
- Social Skills—Negotiating, Listening, Asking, Understanding, Reminding, Providing support, Stepping into their shoes, Empathy
- Resources, Capacity, Experience—Setting yourself up ahead of time to do hard things later.
- Changing Course, Dealing with Setbacks—Accepting, Sitting with, Bearing, Knowing it's okay, Improvising, Stepping back, Aborting, Changing mental model, gear, lens.
What does that look like in action?
Here is what that would look like in the example from before:
👉 Example — Polished Hard Steps Value: Approaching scheduling as a conductor of my short and precious time on earth
- ✅ Solid Hard Step
- 🚷 Not an instruction. Is it an instruction you could turn into action right away? If not, make it one. Decide yourself at which point to stop making instructions more concrete. Mark tactics to address a Hard Step with a lightbulb.
- 🎉 Potentially unnecessary. Ask yourself whether there is any way you can live by this value without doing this step? It's not always clear-cut whether a step is necessary or not. Ask yourself how helpful this step is and consider kicking it out.
- 🚲 Not really hard. Is this step hard to do? If not, find what is hard to do or kick it out.
- ❄️ Too unique. Does it apply across cases? If not, make it less unique or kick it out.
- 💡 A tactic for addressing a Hard Step. Write them underneath the Hard Step they address when they happen upon you and mark them with a lightbulb.
- 🎉 Picking the right calendar-, scheduling- and project management app to use. [not necessary]
- ✅ Knowing an accessible place which affords such contemplation
- ✅ Tracking over time and (referring to notes on) what turned out to be worthwhile
- ✅ Finding role models or inspiration for far-out futures and alternate life paths
✅ Arranging time for experimentation, e.g. with composition and rhythm.
- ✅ Keeping track of my experience over long time frames.
- ✅ Remembering and making time to introspect: What in this past week or months was time well-spent, on my own account?
- ✅ Making time with friends to get a sense of who you're building with, and what long arcs you are reinforcing (relates to the idea of gathering forces)
- ✅ Remembering the difference between planning and doing while planning (💡A sticky on your paper calendar or work station would be a tactic to do this)
- ✅ Remember to check in while events are unfolding to decide what to honor while it lasts, and what to give birth to
- ✅ Remembering that every commitment takes me away from other things (💡168 marbles in a jar on your desk would be a tactic to remind you)
- ✅ Sitting with FOMO without acting on it
- ✅ Sitting with the discomfort of disappointing others (💡One month of rejection challenges would be a space to practice this)
- ✅ Imagining different ways to articulate this and choosing one that fits this situation, person and intention of mine. (💡An auto-suggest of skillful Nos in a scheduling app would be a tactic)
- 🎉 Remember to prepare so as to make meaningful activities easy to switch to in low-energy states
- ✅ Prioritizing what I care about over what is expected of me
- ✅ Making trade-offs between different things I care about
- ✅ Remembering to prioritize before spending time or committing
- ✅ Remembering that every commitment takes me away from other things.
- ✅ Sitting with the disappointment of not being all I could be and
- ✅ Sitting with the discomfort of disappointing others
- ✅ Imagining different ways to articulate this and choosing one that fits this situation, person and intention of mine.
- ✅ Assessing and accepting the likely and actual consequences
- ✅ Sitting with people's reaction
- ✅ Remember to check in while events are unfolding to decide what to honour while it lasts, and what to give birth to
- ✅ Sitting with FOMO without acting on it
🚷 Identifying and securing a job, family support, money, etc, that makes your schedule maneuverable (This is still super hard to do and not broken down enough to be helpful. When stumbling upon this, I felt a rush of excitement because setting up the logistics of a life with leeway is a Hard Step that is relevant for many values of mine)
A Summary: What is not a Hard Step and thus kick-out-able?
- Hard Steps are not problems to fix in the product unrelated to your value. They follow the value, not the circumstance or product. I find this relaxing: your redesign does not have to address everything wrong with your product so you can live by your value, only the relevant Hard Steps.
- Hard Steps are not exclusively context specific. If you find a Hard Step that applies only when you talk with your grandmother on Tuesday afternoons over tea but in no other situation ever on earth, and your value is not itself about this specific situation, then it might be easier to practice your value in a different context.
- Hard Steps are not states, necessary resources, or outcomes. They might be the steps you need to take to achieve those states. Let's call this Outsourcing Agency: You see the problem you need to fix, but place the responsibility for solving it in your environment, treat it as out of reach. Take it back! How can you change your fortune? How do you position yourself to this obstacle to grapple with it and overcome it? If you don't know, ask for help — turning states and needed resources into Hard Steps is often way easier when working together with someone who looks at your situation from the outside.
- The consequences of living by your value are not Hard Steps in themselves. How you mitigate them and orient towards them, how you act to make the cost of living by your value bearable, all those might be Hard Steps.
- Similarly, goals and expectations that crowd out your value are not Hard Steps. Even though balancing different concerns and recognising crowding out could be very concrete Hard Steps — but again, this is about how you face the challenge, the internal process you go through to orient as you act, not about the external circumstances.
- Relatedly, having other people see or understand your value are not Hard Steps, unless your value is concerned with a form of connection that requires that specific way of them relating to you. Most of the time, how other people relate to you living by your value is something to take into account and how you orient towards that might very well be a Hard Step. But again: this is about your actions required to take this into account, not about the external outcome itself.
- Naming an action, but one that is abstract, high-level, most definitely not a plug and play instruction. No problem, just break it down more. Look for the Hard Steps hiding in your abstracted action by asking: What exactly is hard to do about this?