Begin by

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← Clicking here and running your value through ⭐️ On My Own Terms

Find a word or short phrase that captures your value (a way of being). Write it down:

Using the word above, answer these questions one at a time. (slowly works best)

1) To seem this way to others, I've been:

2) But on my own terms, being this way means being:

3) And people I admire for being this way inspire me because they are:

How would you name your value now?

Use your answers to 2) and/or 3). Write it here:

approaching things ___, treating people ___, acting ___, keeping things ___, living life __

Then continue by

• Would it still be worth doing independent of the outcome? If so, continue to the next bullet point. If not, it's a goal or fear! Take notes below.

"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if I couldn't affect the outcome?"

• Would it still be worth doing if no one knew you did it? If so, continue to the next question. If not, it's a social norm. Take notes below.

"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if no one noticed?"

• Do you believe you could still be a good person even if you failed to be this way? If so, continue to the next question. If not, it's an internalized social norm. Take notes below.

"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if there were no rules?"

• Would it still be worth being this way if no one else ever joined in? If so, (after all the questions above) it's probably a value! If not, it’s an ideological commitment. Take notes below.

"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if I couldn't influence anyone?

Use any relevant answers to write out your value below.

Is your value "clear"? If not, answer these questions:

Is your value "awareness-guiding"? If not, ask these questions:

Is your value an "improvisational directive"? If not, ask these questions:

• Noticing—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Attending to something, Tracking something.
• Feeling—Noticing, Identifying the emotion, Disentangling the immediate cause and associated beliefs.
• Focusing—Noticing, Selecting what to focus on, Attending to Something, Shifting focus, Tracking something over time, Keeping in mind, Staying in Touch with, Not getting distracted.
• Recognizing, Identifying—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Having a Referent (e.g. previous experience with the thing I am trying to identify)
• Gathering information, Finding out—Discovering, Investigating, Scanning for—Knowing what you need (to know, to look out for), Gaining access, Interpreting what you learn.
• Remembering, Recalling—Remembering how to do something or explicit knowledge, Having gained that knowledge, Remembering to remember.
• Generating, imagining alternatives (creativity)
• Assessing, discerning—Assessing, Evaluating, Discerning, Telling whether, Separating, Identifying.
• Deciding, Weighing, Choosing—Trading off, Prioritising, Balancing more than one concern, Choosing the best ... (team, time, space)
• Modeling, Foreseeing—Modeling interactions, Stepping into the shoes of the other, Foreseeing consequences, Anticipating.
• Changing Situations and Games—Making space for, Creating, Getting, Finding, Arranging, Collecting, Building, Borrowing, Asking for support with, Pausing, Rearranging
• Social Skills—Negotiating, Listening, Asking, Understanding, Reminding, Providing support, Stepping into their shoes, Empathy
• Resources, Capacity, Experience—Setting yourself up ahead of time to do hard things later.
• Changing Course, Dealing with Setbacks—Accepting, Sitting with, Bearing, Knowing it's okay, Improvising, Stepping back, Aborting, Changing mental model, gear, lens.

• Other consequences living by this value might have (to) assess, accept, sit with, make space for, hear out, mitigate, prepare for, remember, change, ignore

• ✅ Solid Hard Step
• 🚷 Not an instruction. Is it an instruction you could turn into action right away? If not, make it one. Decide yourself at which point to stop making instructions more concrete. Mark tactics to address a Hard Step with a lightbulb.
• 🎉 Potentially unnecessary. Ask yourself whether there is any way you can live by this value without doing this step? It's not always clear-cut whether a step is necessary or not. Ask yourself how helpful this step is and consider kicking it out.
• 🚲 Not really hard. Is this step hard to do? If not, find what is hard to do or kick it out.
• ❄️ Too unique. Does it apply across cases? If not, make it less unique or kick it out.
• 💡 A tactic for addressing a Hard Step. Write them underneath the Hard Step they address when they happen upon you and mark them with a lightbulb.

• Noticing—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Attending to something, Tracking something.
• Feeling—Noticing, Identifying the emotion, Disentangling the immediate cause and associated beliefs.
• Focusing—Noticing, Selecting what to focus on, Attending to Something, Shifting focus, Tracking something over time, Keeping in mind, Staying in Touch with, Not getting distracted.
• Recognizing, Identifying—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Having a Referent (e.g. previous experience with the thing I am trying to identify)
• Gathering information, Finding out—Discovering, Investigating, Scanning for—Knowing what you need (to know, to look out for), Gaining access, Interpreting what you learn.
• Remembering, Recalling—Remembering how to do something or explicit knowledge, Having gained that knowledge, Remembering to remember.
• Generating, imagining alternatives (creativity)
• Assessing, discerning—Assessing, Evaluating, Discerning, Telling whether, Separating, Identifying.
• Deciding, Weighing, Choosing—Trading off, Prioritising, Balancing more than one concern, Choosing the best ... (team, time, space)
• Modeling, Foreseeing—Modeling interactions, Stepping into the shoes of the other, Foreseeing consequences, Anticipating.
• Changing Situations and Games—Making space for, Creating, Getting, Finding, Arranging, Collecting, Building, Borrowing, Asking for support with, Pausing, Rearranging
• Social Skills—Negotiating, Listening, Asking, Understanding, Reminding, Providing support, Stepping into their shoes, Empathy
• Resources, Capacity, Experience—Setting yourself up ahead of time to do hard things later.
• Changing Course, Dealing with Setbacks—Accepting, Sitting with, Bearing, Knowing it's okay, Improvising, Stepping back, Aborting, Changing mental model, gear, lens.

• Other consequences living by this value might have (to) assess, accept, sit with, make space for, hear out, mitigate, prepare for, remember, change, ignore

• The (right) equipment (to) remember, identity, find, arrange, collect, build, borrow ❓Do you need a special kind of equipment? What’s hard to do about knowing what you need or getting those things?
• The (right) people (to) identify, gather, select, find, get on board, convince, build relationships with ❓Does this value require a specific person? If so, what’s hard to do about gathering people who fit the criteria? What’s hard to do about knowing where to find them? What kind of information would you need to tell if someone is right? What’s hard to do about gathering that information? ❓What would you need to set up long in advance?
• The (right) time and timing (to) identify, notice, make, schedule ❓Does the moment need to be right? What would you need to be able to tell if the moment is right? What’s hard to do about evaluating that?
• The (right) setting (to) imagine, find, identify, set up, make, negotiate, decorate ❓Is this value easier in a specific setting? If so, what’s hard to do about creating that setting? ❓Do you need a certain mood or situation? If so, what’s hard to do about setting that mood / getting into that situation?

• Current capacity and needs (physical, intellectual, emotional) (to) Assess, bolster, provide support, keep in mind, make space for, listen to, ask about ❓What do you need to be capable of handling as it unfolds? What is hard to do about that?
• Skills, ability (to) Assess, bolster, practice, grow, accommodate, keep in mind
• Current mood/emotions (to) Assess, make space for, acknowledge, change plans for, improvise, change gears, model, foresee, track, keep in mind ❓What do you need to be able to feel? What’s hard to do about that? What’s hard to do about knowing when you’re ready to handle and feel those things? ❓Do you need a certain mood? What’s hard to do about setting that mood? ❓Does this value require a person to be in a specific state? If so, what’s hard to do about getting people into that state? What kind of information would you need in order to tell if someone is in the right state? What’s hard to do about gathering that info? Is the state you/they need to be in fragile? What’s hard to do about getting yourself/others there?
• Limiting beliefs (to) notice, identify, name, process, make time for, sit with, keep in mind, not get drawn into

• Sense of safety, trust (to) Assess, reassure, call to mind, remember, remind, provide support, keep in mind, ask about ❓Are there reasons it might be unsafe to do this? What kind of information do you need to decide? What’s hard to do about figuring out whether it’s safe in this particular situation?
• How might they see and understand me (to) model, assess, step into their shoes, remember, ask about, listen to, adjust course
• Status, Relationship Durability, Communication, Willingness to cooperate (to) assess, take into account, change, remember, remind, track over time, change, ignore, make space for, address