Values can get crowded out by internalized expectations. If you notice a negative self-image, perform a Self-Image Flip by asking them what the positive reversal of that would be.

Example: I just felt so weak in that moment...

What is your strong self like? How does that self (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life)?

Example: I'm completely incompetent...

What would it look like for you to be capable? How would you be able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life)?

Values can also get crowded out by external factors. In that case, find a question by performing a System Fix — getting rid of the problem.

Example: I was scared to say anything because I might lose my job.

How would you have been able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life) if you knew that you couldn't lose your job?

Example: The deadline was coming up, and I was just getting more and more frustrated...

How would you have been able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life) if you knew that you had all the time you needed?

Sometimes people have trouble seeing that their values aren't tied to the specifics of one story. In that case, find a question that invites them to think about similar Bad Times or Better Times.

Example (Bad Times): I just got so frustrated by the whole thing.

Are there other times that you have been frustrated like that? What way of (approaching things/treating people/acting/ keeping things/living life) seems blocked in those moments?

Example (Better Times): I felt like it didn't even matter if I was there.

Can you think of a time when it seemed like it mattered that you were there? What was different? How were you able to (approach things/act/treat people/keep things)?

You want to make sure that you don't only see your own personal value in another person's story. But saying what that value means for you can give them something to push against.

Example (Self-Reference): I guess it's a kind of authenticity.

When I'm being authentic, it's about sharing my feelings in a way that immediately resonates in my body. Is it like that for you too, or is it something else?

Sometimes people haven't reflected on their story before (or maybe they aren't very self-reflected in general). In that case, ask them for some Advice they would give themselves.

Example: It was all just so hopeless...

What advice would you give to yourself in that situation if you could go back? What way of (approaching things/treating people/acting/ keeping things/living life) would be important to remember?

Sometimes people's more easily recognize values they Admire or Appreciate in others.

Example: ...and then I just felt horrible about the whole thing...

Can you think of a person who would have handled that situation really well? How would they have (approached things/acted/treated people/kept things)? [CAREFUL: you might get an image they are pressuring themselves with here. If so, bring it back to a value or use another move.]

Reggie Luedtke came up with this. I'm not exactly sure why it works, but it's got a pretty solid track record. What wasn't being loved/is worth loving in this situation?

Example: ...and then I just felt horrible about the whole thing...

What would it look like if love would have been guiding your choices? How would you have been (approaching things/ treating people / acting / keeping things)? Alternately: What's worth loving in this situation?

Outline the story again, but from the outside... as if it were about someone else. How is that person having trouble (treating people/acting/approaching things/keeping things)?

Begin by

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← Clicking here and running your value through ⭐️ On My Own Terms

Find a word or short phrase that captures your value (a way of being). Write it down:

Using the word above, answer these questions one at a time. (slowly works best)

1) To seem this way to others, I've been:

2) But on my own terms, being this way means being:

3) And people I admire for being this way inspire me because they are:

How would you name your value now?

Use your answers to 2) and/or 3). Write it here:

approaching things ___, treating people ___, acting ___, keeping things ___, living life __

Then continue by

asking these questions to make sure you have a "pure value".

Note: your value might already be spot on. If so, you don't need to answer the questions.

• Would it still be worth doing independent of the outcome? If so, continue to the next bullet point. If not, it's a goal or fear! Take notes below.

"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if I couldn't affect the outcome?"

• Would it still be worth doing if no one knew you did it? If so, continue to the next question. If not, it's a social norm. Take notes below.

"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if no one noticed?"

• Do you believe you could still be a good person even if you failed to be this way? If so, continue to the next question. If not, it's an internalized social norm. Take notes below.

"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if there were no rules?"

• Would it still be worth being this way if no one else ever joined in? If so, (after all the questions above) it's probably a value! If not, it’s an ideological commitment. Take notes below.

"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if I couldn't influence anyone?

Use any relevant answers to write out your value below.

Note: your value might already be spot on. If so, you don't need to answer the questions.

Personal Value:

Is your value "clear"? If not, answer these questions:

When you manage to live by your personal value, what are you noticing? What specific aspects of the situation should your personal value phrase bring into the foreground?

Use that information to rephrase your value in non-poetic terms that anyone could understand:

approach things _____, treat people _____, act (with) _____, keep things _____, live life ______

Is your value "awareness-guiding"? If not, ask these questions:

Where should you direct your attention in order to live by this personal value?

Use that information to rephrase your personal value and make those things stand out:

approach things _____, treat people _____, act (with) _____, keep things _____, live life ______

Is your value an "improvisational directive"? If not, ask these questions:

How would you tell an actor to approach a scene in which she lives by your personal value?

Use that information to rephrase your personal value to be more about how to proceed:

approach things _____, treat people _____, act (with) _____, keep things _____, live life ______

What norm / expectation / goal / ideological commitment do you notice here?

Many ideologies; 'Flaming' with a tendency to defend or support others in your own "tribe"

From what structural features does this non-value emerge?

Stakes - Low Timing - Off the cuff Connectivity - In pairs Feedback - Like follow, wow, Sadface e.t.c

Which structural features can you change to make it possible to live by the value, and how they might you go about changing the structural feature.

Feedback - Remove Feedback / Change Feedback from simple 'Like' to 'This changed my mind' or 'This challenged my initial opinion' Perhaps a Timing - Contemplative - People can only update their posts once every week and are guided through a series of guiding questions questions

Structural Feature

Audience — Size: Large

Structural Feature (salvaged)

Make it an intimate group setting

What norm / expectation / goal / ideological commitment do you notice here?

Be professional! It's hard to dress creatively when you are worried about fitting in at work.

From what structural features does this non-value emerge?

Status - Ranked Relational Depth - Acquaintances Stakes - Medium

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← Click here on your second pass

Salvage: How can you change this Structural Feature to change the non-value to support the value.

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Structural Features Cheat Sheet

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← Click here to open ⚙️ Structural Features Cheat Sheet

What norm / expectation / goal / ideological commitment do you notice here?

Closing a deal seems more important than being honest.

From what structural features does this non-value emerge?

Time Together - Brief Pretext - Many goals Pace - Reactive Loyalty - transient

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← Click here on your second pass

Salvage: How can you change this Structural Feature to change the non-value to support the value.

‣

Structural Features Cheat Sheet

‣

← Click here to open ⚙️ Structural Features Cheat Sheet

Find a word or short phrase that captures your value (a way of being). Write it down:

Using the word above, answer these questions one at a time. (slowly works best)

1) To seem this way to others, I've been:

2) But on my own terms, being this way means being:

3) And people I admire for being this way inspire me because they are:

How would you name your value now?

Use your answers to 2) and/or 3). Write it here:

approaching things ___, treating people ___, acting ___, keeping things ___, living life __

Better Formulation of a value around "how to be while criticizing people"

When you manage to live by your value, what are you noticing? What specific aspects of the situation should your value phrase bring into the foreground?

What I notice, and need to foreground: That we're both human beings, and that I make mistakes all the time, and that I often don't handle things the way I would have wanted to

How would you tell an actor to be in a scene where they make choices based on that?

Personal Value: approach other people's faults with humility and compassion, relate to them in a way that is deeply mindful of your own imperfections

Better Formulation of a value around "how to be while receiving criticism"

I need to figure out where to direct my attention. Not what to do, but how is it important to be when people are criticizing me.

Where should you direct your attention in order to live by this personal value?: Stay open to connection. Trust the person behind the mirror that they are holding up to me.

Rephrase the personal value to make those things stand out:

Personal Value: connect fearlessly, don't lose touch with the person and the relationship, even when you don't want to see what they are showing you.

Better Formulation of a value around "how I want to treat my friends in tough times"

How would you tell an actor to approach a scene in which she lives by your personal value?: Think outside the box, and find solutions that could arise from collective efforts that wouldn't have been available to any one of you alone

Rephrase your personal value to be more about how to proceed:

Personal Value: keep things creative when friends are facing hardships, address problems collectively, draw on the wealth of your communal talents

• Noticing—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Attending to something, Tracking something.
• Feeling—Noticing, Identifying the emotion, Disentangling the immediate cause and associated beliefs.
• Focusing—Noticing, Selecting what to focus on, Attending to Something, Shifting focus, Tracking something over time, Keeping in mind, Staying in Touch with, Not getting distracted.
• Recognizing, Identifying—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Having a Referent (e.g. previous experience with the thing I am trying to identify)
• Gathering information, Finding out—Discovering, Investigating, Scanning for—Knowing what you need (to know, to look out for), Gaining access, Interpreting what you learn.
• Remembering, Recalling—Remembering how to do something or explicit knowledge, Having gained that knowledge, Remembering to remember.
• Generating, imagining alternatives (creativity)
• Assessing, discerning—Assessing, Evaluating, Discerning, Telling whether, Separating, Identifying.
• Deciding, Weighing, Choosing—Trading off, Prioritising, Balancing more than one concern, Choosing the best ... (team, time, space)
• Modeling, Foreseeing—Modeling interactions, Stepping into the shoes of the other, Foreseeing consequences, Anticipating.
• Changing Situations and Games—Making space for, Creating, Getting, Finding, Arranging, Collecting, Building, Borrowing, Asking for support with, Pausing, Rearranging
• Social Skills—Negotiating, Listening, Asking, Understanding, Reminding, Providing support, Stepping into their shoes, Empathy
• Resources, Capacity, Experience—Setting yourself up ahead of time to do hard things later.
• Changing Course, Dealing with Setbacks—Accepting, Sitting with, Bearing, Knowing it's okay, Improvising, Stepping back, Aborting, Changing mental model, gear, lens.

• Other consequences living by this value might have (to) assess, accept, sit with, make space for, hear out, mitigate, prepare for, remember, change, ignore

• ✅ Solid Hard Step
• 🚷 Not an instruction. Is it an instruction you could turn into action right away? If not, make it one. Decide yourself at which point to stop making instructions more concrete. Mark tactics to address a Hard Step with a lightbulb.
• 🎉 Potentially unnecessary. Ask yourself whether there is any way you can live by this value without doing this step? It's not always clear-cut whether a step is necessary or not. Ask yourself how helpful this step is and consider kicking it out.
• 🚲 Not really hard. Is this step hard to do? If not, find what is hard to do or kick it out.
• ❄️ Too unique. Does it apply across cases? If not, make it less unique or kick it out.
• 💡 A tactic for addressing a Hard Step. Write them underneath the Hard Step they address when they happen upon you and mark them with a lightbulb.

• Noticing—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Attending to something, Tracking something.
• Feeling—Noticing, Identifying the emotion, Disentangling the immediate cause and associated beliefs.
• Focusing—Noticing, Selecting what to focus on, Attending to Something, Shifting focus, Tracking something over time, Keeping in mind, Staying in Touch with, Not getting distracted.
• Recognizing, Identifying—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Having a Referent (e.g. previous experience with the thing I am trying to identify)
• Gathering information, Finding out—Discovering, Investigating, Scanning for—Knowing what you need (to know, to look out for), Gaining access, Interpreting what you learn.
• Remembering, Recalling—Remembering how to do something or explicit knowledge, Having gained that knowledge, Remembering to remember.
• Generating, imagining alternatives (creativity)
• Assessing, discerning—Assessing, Evaluating, Discerning, Telling whether, Separating, Identifying.
• Deciding, Weighing, Choosing—Trading off, Prioritising, Balancing more than one concern, Choosing the best ... (team, time, space)
• Modeling, Foreseeing—Modeling interactions, Stepping into the shoes of the other, Foreseeing consequences, Anticipating.
• Changing Situations and Games—Making space for, Creating, Getting, Finding, Arranging, Collecting, Building, Borrowing, Asking for support with, Pausing, Rearranging
• Social Skills—Negotiating, Listening, Asking, Understanding, Reminding, Providing support, Stepping into their shoes, Empathy
• Resources, Capacity, Experience—Setting yourself up ahead of time to do hard things later.
• Changing Course, Dealing with Setbacks—Accepting, Sitting with, Bearing, Knowing it's okay, Improvising, Stepping back, Aborting, Changing mental model, gear, lens.

• Other consequences living by this value might have (to) assess, accept, sit with, make space for, hear out, mitigate, prepare for, remember, change, ignore

• The (right) equipment (to) remember, identity, find, arrange, collect, build, borrow ❓Do you need a special kind of equipment? What’s hard to do about knowing what you need or getting those things?
• The (right) people (to) identify, gather, select, find, get on board, convince, build relationships with ❓Does this value require a specific person? If so, what’s hard to do about gathering people who fit the criteria? What’s hard to do about knowing where to find them? What kind of information would you need to tell if someone is right? What’s hard to do about gathering that information? ❓What would you need to set up long in advance?
• The (right) time and timing (to) identify, notice, make, schedule ❓Does the moment need to be right? What would you need to be able to tell if the moment is right? What’s hard to do about evaluating that?
• The (right) setting (to) imagine, find, identify, set up, make, negotiate, decorate ❓Is this value easier in a specific setting? If so, what’s hard to do about creating that setting? ❓Do you need a certain mood or situation? If so, what’s hard to do about setting that mood / getting into that situation?

• Current capacity and needs (physical, intellectual, emotional) (to) Assess, bolster, provide support, keep in mind, make space for, listen to, ask about ❓What do you need to be capable of handling as it unfolds? What is hard to do about that?
• Skills, ability (to) Assess, bolster, practice, grow, accommodate, keep in mind
• Current mood/emotions (to) Assess, make space for, acknowledge, change plans for, improvise, change gears, model, foresee, track, keep in mind ❓What do you need to be able to feel? What’s hard to do about that? What’s hard to do about knowing when you’re ready to handle and feel those things? ❓Do you need a certain mood? What’s hard to do about setting that mood? ❓Does this value require a person to be in a specific state? If so, what’s hard to do about getting people into that state? What kind of information would you need in order to tell if someone is in the right state? What’s hard to do about gathering that info? Is the state you/they need to be in fragile? What’s hard to do about getting yourself/others there?
• Limiting beliefs (to) notice, identify, name, process, make time for, sit with, keep in mind, not get drawn into

• Sense of safety, trust (to) Assess, reassure, call to mind, remember, remind, provide support, keep in mind, ask about ❓Are there reasons it might be unsafe to do this? What kind of information do you need to decide? What’s hard to do about figuring out whether it’s safe in this particular situation?
• How might they see and understand me (to) model, assess, step into their shoes, remember, ask about, listen to, adjust course
• Status, Relationship Durability, Communication, Willingness to cooperate (to) assess, take into account, change, remember, remind, track over time, change, ignore, make space for, address