🐾 Hard Steps, Step by Step

So how do you come up with a Hard Step? I'll take you through it step by step.

Before we start, we need a value to work with. Let's take this one, that I articulated at the beginning of the year:

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To approach scheduling as a conductor of my short and precious time on earth (aware of a lifetime of moments in dialogue with each other; honoring silence, contrast, rhythm, and spontaneous beauty, interpreting the score in light of unfolding reality)

Step 1: Come up with potential Hard Steps

When I try to come up with Hard Steps, I imagine myself in a situation in which I managed to live by my value. It worked out. What happened? Why did it work out? What was I able to do?

Fred did this back at home when he focused on what actions he would have needed to take to live by his value. What would be the instructions of a step by step recipe to get to that point?

I like to draw a timeline on a sheet of paper and pencil in the actions when I would have needed to take them. This way I can see what's missing between steps I already know of and I remember to not only think of the time of interaction itself but also of preparation, setup and other actions that take place outside the interaction I might have at first thought about, the date in Fred's case. You can think of this as a type of user journey or recipe for living by your value.

Next up I try to make the actions I came up with so far HARDER. To zoom in on exactly what is challenging about them. Whenever I encounter something that seems inevitable and potentially difficult to do, I ask myself what exactly is hard about doing this — how I might get stuck. And what I need to do, anticipate, or take into account to move through it.

In this first stage, I try to come up with many many potential hard steps, knowing I can polish them later. When I stumble upon a resource I need, a state I need to be in, social skills, potential distractions I need to avoid, I write them all down and know I can turn them into hard steps as I go along.

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To think of what might be a Hard Step, ask yourself: - You lived by your value! What actions did you do to get there? Write yourself a recipe. - Scan what you wrote down so far. Anything missing in between? Anything that you need to do in preparation or after the event? - Scan what you wrote so far again. Which of those seems hard? What exactly is hard to do? Where do my attempts to live by this value usually break down?

👉 Example — Potential Hard Steps Value: To approach scheduling as a conductor of my short and precious time on earth - The right calendar-, scheduling- and project management app to use. - Gaining a picture of a well-lived life at different time scales. - Navigating a good plan in the turmoil of spontaneous events and impulses - Not take on superfluous work projects I don't care about. - Not get sucked into my phone or TV. - A babysitter.

Sometimes what I find is a state I need to be in (Fred might have needed to be attuned to his internal experience), a resource I need to have in place (a babysitter in the box above, a break in the flow of conversation for Fred) or something I need another person to do (not get up and leave on Fred's date). When I stumble upon one of those states, I try to turn them into actions.

To do that, I ask myself:

What do I need this resource for? What underlying action I need to fulfill does this resource address? The babysitter helps me "navigate child care constraints on my time."
What is it that I can do to get closer to that state or resource, maybe long before the situation in which I want to live by my value ever comes about? Fred might want to meditate to find it easier to track his internal experience when much is happening around him.
Is there a way to make these instructions ever more actionable, taking each slightly more concrete state I articulate and turning it into an action I can take? "Not take on superfluous work projects I don't care about" includes some of these more concrete steps: Reflect on what I care about regularly. Assess how new work projects relate to what I care about. Trade-off different things I care about. Remember to prioritize before spending time or committing to new projects. Remember opportunity cost before committing. Sitting with the discomfort of disappointing others. Etc..

But there is still more! Sometimes, when the thinking-through-it-step-by-step approach doesn't work, I use neat cheat-sheets to come up with Hard Steps.

One of them helps me zoom in on aspects of the situation that might be hard to deal with. To scan the context I am in for aspects I might need to take into account. The other helps me find concrete verbs to make high-level instructions more actionable. I'll tell you about the first one right now. The second one shall be revealed a bit later.

Cheat Sheet 1: Challenging aspects of the situation

Verbs that often go along with these aspects are added in grey. Check out the comments to see how I'd use these to help Fred find hard steps of his value (to act from a place of clarity about his own experience).

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Logistics and Resources I need

The (right) equipment (to) remember, identity, find, arrange, collect, build, borrow ❓Do you need a special kind of equipment? What’s hard to do about knowing what you need or getting those things?
The (right) people (to) identify, gather, select, find, get on board, convince, build relationships with ❓Does this value require a specific person? If so, what’s hard to do about gathering people who fit the criteria? What’s hard to do about knowing where to find them? What kind of information would you need to tell if someone is right? What’s hard to do about gathering that information? ❓What would you need to set up long in advance?
The (right) time and timing (to) identify, notice, make, schedule ❓Does the moment need to be right? What would you need to be able to tell if the moment is right? What’s hard to do about evaluating that?
The (right) setting (to) imagine, find, identify, set up, make, negotiate, decorate ❓Is this value easier in a specific setting? If so, what’s hard to do about creating that setting? ❓Do you need a certain mood or situation? If so, what’s hard to do about setting that mood / getting into that situation?

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People: me, the other, the audience

Current capacity and needs (physical, intellectual, emotional) (to) Assess, bolster, provide support, keep in mind, make space for, listen to, ask about ❓ What do you need to be capable of handling as it unfolds? What is hard to do about that?
Skills, ability (to) Assess, bolster, practice, grow, accommodate, keep in mind
Current mood/emotions (to) Assess, make space for, acknowledge, change plans for, improvise, change gears, model, foresee, track, keep in mind ❓What do you need to be able to feel? What’s hard to do about that? What’s hard to do about knowing when you’re ready to handle and feel those things? ❓Do you need a certain mood? What’s hard to do about setting that mood? ❓Does this value require a person to be in a specific state? If so, what’s hard to do about getting people into that state? What kind of information would you need in order to tell if someone is in the right state? What’s hard to do about gathering that info? Is the state you/they need to be in fragile? What’s hard to do about getting yourself/others there?
Limiting beliefs (to) notice, identify, name, process, make time for, sit with, keep in mind, not get drawn into

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Relationship: with myself, the other, the audience

Sense of safety, trust (to) Assess, reassure, call to mind, remember, remind, provide support, keep in mind, ask about ❓Are there reasons it might be unsafe to do this? What kind of information do you need to decide? What’s hard to do about figuring out whether it’s safe in this particular situation?
How might they see and understand me (to) model, assess, step into their shoes, remember, ask about, listen to, adjust course
Status, Relationship Durability, Communication, Willingness to cooperate (to) assess, take into account, change, remember, remind, track over time, change, ignore, make space for, address

Consequences living by this value might have (to) assess, accept, sit with, make space for, hear out, mitigate, prepare for, remember, change, ignore

Step 2: Screen and Improve

You have a massive list of possible hard steps. Yay! Now it's time to doublecheck and polish them. I usually go through my list of hard steps and try to figure out how each one could be better:

Is it necessary for living by the value? (i.e. if you could never do this, could you not live by the value?) If it is not really necessary to live by this value, kick it out. Ask yourself: Is there a related action, that IS necessary?

Is it hard? (at least for some people, some of the time) If it is not really hard (for some people, some of the time), kick it out. If you are not sure, ask yourself: "What is it that is hard about this?"

Is it general enough to apply across cases? (e.g. a classroom, a hospital, a chatroom; lover, friend, parent) If it is so specific that it does not apply across circumstances, kick it out. Which action IS hard to take across cases?

Is it an instruction that could be followed? (i.e., an action, that the person living by the value can take themselves?) Often, potential hard steps are states or collection of actions or dependent on others. Could you act this out right away? If not, make it way more specific. Add steps and detail.

Cheat Sheet 2: Action Verbs 🦸🏽‍♂️🦹🏻‍♀️

That fourth one, writing an instruction that could be followed, is usually most challenging. That is where the second Cheat Sheet comes into play. When I find myself unsure how to break a single action that is not sufficiently instructive to act on into several more specific actions, I look at this list of verbs:

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This Cheat Sheet is very big. Which is why it hides inside of this toggle.

Noticing—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Attending to something, Tracking something.
Feeling—Noticing, Identifying the emotion, Disentangling the immediate cause and associated beliefs.
Focusing—Noticing, Selecting what to focus on, Attending to Something, Shifting focus, Tracking something over time, Keeping in mind, Staying in Touch with, Not getting distracted.
Recognizing, Identifying—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Having a Referent (e.g. previous experience with the thing I am trying to identify)
Gathering information, Finding out—Discovering, Investigating, Scanning for—Knowing what you need (to know, to look out for), Gaining access, Interpreting what you learn.
Remembering, Recalling—Remembering how to do something or explicit knowledge, Having gained that knowledge, Remembering to remember.
Generating, imagining alternatives (creativity)
Assessing, discerning—Assessing, Evaluating, Discerning, Telling whether, Separating, Identifying.
Deciding, Weighing, Choosing—Trading off, Prioritising, Balancing more than one concern, Choosing the best ... (team, time, space)
Modeling, Foreseeing—Modeling interactions, Stepping into the shoes of the other, Foreseeing consequences, Anticipating.
Changing Situations and Games—Making space for, Creating, Getting, Finding, Arranging, Collecting, Building, Borrowing, Asking for support with, Pausing, Rearranging
Social Skills—Negotiating, Listening, Asking, Understanding, Reminding, Providing support, Stepping into their shoes, Empathy
Resources, Capacity, Experience—Setting yourself up ahead of time to do hard things later.
Changing Course, Dealing with Setbacks—Accepting, Sitting with, Bearing, Knowing it's okay, Improvising, Stepping back, Aborting, Changing mental model, gear, lens.

What does that look like in action?

Here is what that would look like in the example from before:

👉 Example — Polished Hard Steps Value: Approaching scheduling as a conductor of my short and precious time on earth

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Wait, what are the emojis here for? 🚷❄️🎉🚲💡✅

✅ Solid Hard Step
🚷 Not an instruction. Is it an instruction you could turn into action right away? If not, make it one. Decide yourself at which point to stop making instructions more concrete. Mark tactics to address a Hard Step with a lightbulb.
🎉 Potentially unnecessary. Ask yourself whether there is any way you can live by this value without doing this step? It's not always clear-cut whether a step is necessary or not. Ask yourself how helpful this step is and consider kicking it out.
🚲 Not really hard. Is this step hard to do? If not, find what is hard to do or kick it out.
❄️ Too unique. Does it apply across cases? If not, make it less unique or kick it out.
💡 A tactic for addressing a Hard Step. Write them underneath the Hard Step they address when they happen upon you and mark them with a lightbulb.

🎉 Picking the right calendar-, scheduling- and project management app to use. [not necessary]

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🚷 Gaining a picture of a well-lived life at different time scales. This is difficult to immediately put into motion. To dig in, I asked myself: What exactly do I need to do for this? What about that is hard?

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✅ Arranging time at 40,000 feet to imagine what's best, to continuously update my understanding of a well-lived life and translate it all into concrete weekly schedules.

✅ Knowing an accessible place which affords such contemplation

✅ Tracking over time and (referring to notes on) what turned out to be worthwhile

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🚷Feeling empathy for who I might be now, in September, in 2025 and 2070

✅ Finding role models or inspiration for far-out futures and alternate life paths

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🚷 Knowing what rhythm I like my weeks to have.

✅ Arranging time for experimentation, e.g. with composition and rhythm.

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🚷 Knowing what is a desirable emotional arc over months and years.

✅ Keeping track of my experience over long time frames.
✅ Remembering and making time to introspect: What in this past week or months was time well-spent, on my own account?

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🚷 Accounting for the gathering forces of life.

✅ Making time with friends to get a sense of who you're building with, and what long arcs you are reinforcing (relates to the idea of gathering forces)

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🚷Navigating a good plan in the turmoil of spontaneous events and impulses.

✅ Remembering the difference between planning and doing while planning (💡A sticky on your paper calendar or work station would be a tactic to do this)
✅ Remember to check in while events are unfolding to decide what to honor while it lasts, and what to give birth to
✅ Remembering that every commitment takes me away from other things (💡168 marbles in a jar on your desk would be a tactic to remind you)
✅ Sitting with FOMO without acting on it
✅ Sitting with the discomfort of disappointing others (💡One month of rejection challenges would be a space to practice this)

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🚷 Learning the social skill of graceful Nos

✅ Imagining different ways to articulate this and choosing one that fits this situation, person and intention of mine. (💡An auto-suggest of skillful Nos in a scheduling app would be a tactic)

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❄️Not get sucked into my phone or TV, not take on superfluous work projects I don't care about. [too specific]

🎉 Remember to prepare so as to make meaningful activities easy to switch to in low-energy states

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🚷 Deciding to ruthlessly kill the darlings that don't make the cut, the expectations, the non-key relationships

✅ Prioritizing what I care about over what is expected of me
✅ Making trade-offs between different things I care about
✅ Remembering to prioritize before spending time or committing
✅ Remembering that every commitment takes me away from other things.
✅ Sitting with the disappointment of not being all I could be and
✅ Sitting with the discomfort of disappointing others

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🚷 Learning the social skill of graceful cancellations

✅ Imagining different ways to articulate this and choosing one that fits this situation, person and intention of mine.
✅ Assessing and accepting the likely and actual consequences
✅ Sitting with people's reaction

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🚷 Choosing what to make time and space for and what not

✅ Remember to check in while events are unfolding to decide what to honour while it lasts, and what to give birth to
✅ Sitting with FOMO without acting on it

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🚷❄️ Navigating child care constraints on my time [too specific]

🚷 Identifying and securing a job, family support, money, etc, that makes your schedule maneuverable (This is still super hard to do and not broken down enough to be helpful. When stumbling upon this, I felt a rush of excitement because setting up the logistics of a life with leeway is a Hard Step that is relevant for many values of mine)

A Summary: What is not a Hard Step and thus kick-out-able?

Hard Steps are not problems to fix in the product unrelated to your value. They follow the value, not the circumstance or product. I find this relaxing: your redesign does not have to address everything wrong with your product so you can live by your value, only the relevant Hard Steps.
Hard Steps are not exclusively context specific. If you find a Hard Step that applies only when you talk with your grandmother on Tuesday afternoons over tea but in no other situation ever on earth, and your value is not itself about this specific situation, then it might be easier to practice your value in a different context.
Hard Steps are not states, necessary resources, or outcomes. They might be the steps you need to take to achieve those states. Let's call this Outsourcing Agency: You see the problem you need to fix, but place the responsibility for solving it in your environment, treat it as out of reach. Take it back! How can you change your fortune? How do you position yourself to this obstacle to grapple with it and overcome it? If you don't know, ask for help — turning states and needed resources into Hard Steps is often way easier when working together with someone who looks at your situation from the outside.
The consequences of living by your value are not Hard Steps in themselves. How you mitigate them and orient towards them, how you act to make the cost of living by your value bearable, all those might be Hard Steps.
Similarly, goals and expectations that crowd out your value are not Hard Steps. Even though balancing different concerns and recognising crowding out could be very concrete Hard Steps — but again, this is about how you face the challenge, the internal process you go through to orient as you act, not about the external circumstances.
Relatedly, having other people see or understand your value are not Hard Steps, unless your value is concerned with a form of connection that requires that specific way of them relating to you. Most of the time, how other people relate to you living by your value is something to take into account and how you orient towards that might very well be a Hard Step. But again: this is about your actions required to take this into account, not about the external outcome itself.
Naming an action, but one that is abstract, high-level, most definitely not a plug and play instruction. No problem, just break it down more. Look for the Hard Steps hiding in your abstracted action by asking: What exactly is hard to do about this?

Questions?

Your trainer will be available to answer them in the dojo. Write everything down that you don't quite understand, so you don't forget to ask.

Almost there — Breathing break!

👣 Your turn!

Before you start: Pick a Value

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Find a value with Emotions to Values or use one from the previous class.

What was the emotional low-point of your day today?

Problem/Emotion Story:

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Emotions to Values Cheat Sheet

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Emotion Questions

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Anger

What's worth protecting?

What way of living is blocked?

What way of being has no space here?

Take Notes:

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Frustration

What's worth protecting?

What way of living is blocked?

What way of being is not safe to emerge?

Take Notes:

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Rage

What's worth protecting?

What way of living is blocked?

What way of being is not safe to emerge?

Take Notes:

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Fear

What's worth protecting?

What way of living is threatened?

What way of being can you not bear to give up on?

Take Notes:

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Anxiety

What's worth protecting?

What way of living is threatened?

What way of being can you not bear to give up on?

Take Notes:

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Nervousness

What's worth protecting?

What way of living is threatened?

Take Notes:

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Shame

What's worth recovering?

What way of living is overridden?

What value did you fail to live by?

Take Notes:

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Embarrassment

What's worth recovering?

What way of living did you neglect?

Take Notes:

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Guilt

What's worth recovering?

What way of living did you neglect?

What did you fail to prioritise?

Take Notes:

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Self-disgust

What's worth recovering?

What way of living did you give up on?

What do you no longer trust yourself with?

Take Notes:

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Regret

What's worth honoring?

What way of living is lost for now?

What way of living has become impossible?

Take Notes:

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Hate

What is worth protecting?

What way of living is violated?

Take Notes:

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Distaste

What's worth recovering?

What way of living is estranged?

Take Notes:

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Disgust

What is worth protecting?

What way of living is violated?

Take Notes:

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Revulsion

What is worth protecting?

What way of living is violated?

Take Notes:

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Sadness

What's worth honoring?

What way of living is lost for now?

What way of living has become impossible?

Take Notes:

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Grief

What's worth honoring?

What way of living is lost for now?

What way of living has become impossible?

Take Notes:

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Remorse

What's worth honoring?

What way of living is lost for now?

What way of living has become impossible?

Take Notes:

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Confusion

What's worth recentering around?

What way of living is out of focus?

What way of living do you not know how to bring to this?

What ways of living seem to be in conflict with each other?

Take Notes:

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Being Lost

What's worth recentering around?

What way of living is out of focus?

What way of living do you not know how to bring to this?

What ways of living seem to be in conflict with each other?

Take Notes:

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Desperation

What's worth nurturing?

What way of living is unsafe to emerge?

What's worth identifying?

What way of living would allow the above emerge?

Take Notes:

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Helplessness

What's worth nurturing?

What way of living is unsafe to emerge?

What's worth identifying?

What way of living would allow the above emerge?

Take Notes:

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Hurt

What's worth nurturing?

What way of living is unsafe to emerge?

What's worth identifying?

What way of living would allow the above emerge?

Take Notes:

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Yearning

What's worth nurturing?

What way of living is unsafe to emerge?

What's worth identifying?

What way of living would allow the above emerge?

Take Notes:

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Heartbreak

What's worth demoting?

What way of living doesn't make sense anymore?

What's worth embracing?

What way of living will save the above?

Take Notes:

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Alienation

What's worth nurturing?

What way of living seems impossible?

Take Notes:

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Bitterness

What's worth nurturing?

What way of living seems impossible?

Take Notes:

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Depression

What's worth nurturing?

What way of living seems impossible?

Take Notes:

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Hopelessness

What's worth nurturing?

What way of living seems impossible?

Take Notes:

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Loneliness

Take Notes:

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Numbness

What's worth nurturing?

What way of living seems impossible?

Take Notes:

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Epiphany Moves

Change the Story, Get More Stories, Take a New Perspective:

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Self Image Flip: What is your __(opposite)__ self like?

Values can get crowded out by internalized expectations. If you notice a negative self-image, perform a Self-Image Flip by asking them what the positive reversal of that would be.

Example: I just felt so weak in that moment...

What is your strong self like? How does that self (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life)?

Example: I'm completely incompetent...

What would it look like for you to be capable? How would you be able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life)?

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System Fix: How would you have been able to ______ if it weren't for _______ ?

Values can also get crowded out by external factors. In that case, find a question by performing a System Fix — getting rid of the problem.

Example: I was scared to say anything because I might lose my job.

How would you have been able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life) if you knew that you couldn't lose your job?

Example: The deadline was coming up, and I was just getting more and more frustrated...

How would you have been able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life) if you knew that you had all the time you needed?

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Bad Times/Better Times: Are there other times when you felt ______? // Are there times when you didn't feel ______ ?

Sometimes people have trouble seeing that their values aren't tied to the specifics of one story. In that case, find a question that invites them to think about similar Bad Times or Better Times.

Example (Bad Times): I just got so frustrated by the whole thing.

Are there other times that you have been frustrated like that? What way of (approaching things/treating people/acting/ keeping things/living life) seems blocked in those moments?

Example (Better Times): I felt like it didn't even matter if I was there.

Can you think of a time when it seemed like it mattered that you were there? What was different? How were you able to (approach things/act/treat people/keep things)?

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Interviewer's Values: For me __(broad value)__ is like this ... how is it for you?

You want to make sure that you don't only see your own personal value in another person's story. But saying what that value means for you can give them something to push against.

Example (Self-Reference): I guess it's a kind of authenticity.

When I'm being authentic, it's about sharing my feelings in a way that immediately resonates in my body. Is it like that for you too, or is it something else?

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Advice: What advice would you give to yourself when you struggle with this?

Sometimes people haven't reflected on their story before (or maybe they aren't very self-reflected in general). In that case, ask them for some Advice they would give themselves.

Example: It was all just so hopeless...

What advice would you give to yourself in that situation if you could go back? What way of (approaching things/treating people/acting/ keeping things/living life) would be important to remember?

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Admiration/Appreciation: Can you think of someone who handles these situations well? How do they approach it?

Sometimes people's more easily recognize values they Admire or Appreciate in others.

Example: ...and then I just felt horrible about the whole thing...

Can you think of a person who would have handled that situation really well? How would they have (approached things/acted/treated people/kept things)? [CAREFUL: you might get an image they are pressuring themselves with here. If so, bring it back to a value or use another move.]

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Love, Love, Love: — Where is the love in this situation?

Reggie Luedtke came up with this. I'm not exactly sure why it works, but it's got a pretty solid track record. What wasn't being loved/is worth loving in this situation?

Example: ...and then I just felt horrible about the whole thing...

What would it look like if love would have been guiding your choices? How would you have been (approaching things/ treating people / acting / keeping things)? Alternately: What's worth loving in this situation?

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Third Person (also Trauma Move) — Tell the story from an outsider's perspective

Outline the story again, but from the outside... as if it were about someone else. How is that person having trouble (treating people/acting/approaching things/keeping things)?

Emotion:

Immediate Cause:

🌳 Personal Value: Treat people... Act... Approach things... Keep things...

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Make sure your value isn't bundled up with non-values and is phrased well for design purposes by running it through the values gauntlet.

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← Click here to open ⭐️ On My Own Terms

Find a word or short phrase that captures your value (a way of being). Write it down:

Using the word above, answer these questions one at a time. (slowly works best)

1) To seem this way to others, I've been:

2) But on my own terms, being this way means being:

3) And people I admire for being this way inspire me because they are:

How would you name your value now?

Use your answers to 2) and/or 3). Write it here:

approaching things ___, treating people ___, acting ___, keeping things ___, living life __

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← Click here to open 🧪 Pure Value

Note: your value might already be spot on. If so, you don't need to answer the questions.

Would it still be worth doing independent of the outcome? If so, continue to the next bullet point. If not, it's a goal or fear! Take notes below.

"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if I couldn't affect the outcome?"

Would it still be worth doing if no one knew you did it? If so, continue to the next question. If not, it's a social norm. Take notes below.

"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if no one noticed?"

Do you believe you could still be a good person even if you failed to be this way? If so, continue to the next question. If not, it's an internalized social norm. Take notes below.

"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if there were no rules?"

Would it still be worth being this way if no one else ever joined in? If so, (after all the questions above) it's probably a value! If not, it’s an ideological commitment. Take notes below.

"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if I couldn't influence anyone?

Use any relevant answers to write out your value below.

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← Click here to open 🔎 Articulated Value

Articulated personal values are the foundation of good values-based designs. So use the questions below to make sure your formulation is on point. Your personal value should be a clear, awareness-guiding, actionable directive. These three critera interpenetrate, but you can find examples and help below. Start by writing your value down here:

approach things _____, treat people _____, act (with) _____, keep things _____, live life ______

Personal Value:

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Examples

Serge:

Treat people with curiosity as if they are mirrors of the greater, unconscious aspects of myself and as unique sources of insight into the landscape of my inner worlds

Nathan:

Live life in a way that supports others in discovering and enacting their best understanding of self-care

Is it CLEAR, or actually a vague concept?

Value phrases can be too vague to be useful for design. Make sure your phrase names something specific enough that it could guide a person's choices.

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← Click here for examples of vague concepts (that might seem like personal values).

Bad formulations

"Community". Imagine asking a theater director how you should play a friendship scene, and she says "community". I think you see the problem here.
"Be Kind". Again, it's not clear how I could approach the situation, or what potential choices should stand out. I can't design with this formulation of my value.
"Approaching things with a concrete sense of philosophical equanimity". What does that even mean? Often people will come up with a value that sounds interesting, poetic, or smart, but is actually so abstract that it doesn't matter to them in direct experience.

When you manage to live by your personal value, what are you noticing? What specific aspects of the situation should your personal value phrase bring into the foreground?

How would you tell an actor to be in a scene where they make choices based on that?

approach things _____, treat people _____, act (with) _____, keep things _____, live life ______

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← Click here for an example of making a personal value CLEAR.

Better Formulation of a value around "how to be while criticizing people"

When you manage to live by your value, what are you noticing? What specific aspects of the situation should your value phrase bring into the foreground?

What I notice, and need to foreground: That we're both human beings, and that I make mistakes all the time, and that I often don't handle things the way I would have wanted to

How would you tell an actor to be in a scene where they make choices based on that?

Personal Value: approach other people's faults with humility and compassion, relate to them in a way that is deeply mindful of your own imperfections

Is it AWARENESS-GUIDING, or actually an instruction?

Value phrases tell you how to approach a situation. It shouldn't tell you what to do, but rather should bring relevant choices into the foreground.

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← Click here for examples of instructions (that might seem like personal values).

Bad formulations

"Criticize people in a way that doesn't upset them". This is clear, but doesn't show me where I should direct my awareness. (It's about a goal with other people).
"Stay calm, and don't take things too personally". This is perhaps decent advice, but it's also an instruction, and doesn't help me focus my awareness on relevant choices.
"Stick together through thick and thin". I can imagine what I'm supposed to do, but it's still just an instruction. Like "stay calm", it won't guide me towards what is important when I am making real choices.

Where should you direct your attention in order to live by this personal value?

Rephrase the personal value to make those things stand out:

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← Click here for an example of making a personal value AWARENESS-GUIDING.

Better Formulation of a value around "how to be while receiving criticism"

I need to figure out where to direct my attention. Not what to do, but how is it important to be when people are criticizing me.

Where should you direct your attention in order to live by this personal value?

Where Should I direct my attention?: That I stay open to connection. That I don't lose touch with the person and the relationship because I don't want to look at what they are showing me.

Rephrase the personal value to make those things stand out:

Personal Value: connect fearlessly, trust the person behind the mirror that they are holding up to you

Is it an ACTIONABLE DIRECTIVE or actually a description?

A value doesn't tell you what to do. It's an improvisational directive that helps you recognize opportunities to be a certain way. Does your value remind you of how you'd like to approach a given context?

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← Click here for examples of descriptions (that might seem like personal values).

Bad formulations

"See the plank in my own eye when I look at the speck in yours". This might be capturing what inspires me when I reflect on my experience. But how would I act on this Biblical image? It's better to use less poetic language.
"Don't feel resigned and isolated in difficult situations". This points in the direction of something important, but also isn't actionable. It doesn't really foreground choices that I could make.
"Recognize that other people aren't the final judge of who I am". This is also in the direction of something important. But it wouldn't really foreground specific choices.

What are some ideas that would be important to keep in mind in that context? How would you tell an actor to approach a scene in which she lives by this value?

Rephrase your personal value to be more about how to proceed:

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← Click here for an example of making a personal value an ACTIONABLE DIRECTIVE.

Better Formulation of a value around "how I want to treat my friends in tough times"

What are some ideas that would be important to keep in mind when things get difficult for friends? How would you tell an actor to approach a scene in which she lives by this value?

How would I tell an actor to play a scene with this value?: Think outside the box, and find solutions that could arise from collective efforts that wouldn't have been available to any one of you alone

Rephrase your personal value to be more about how to proceed:

Personal Value: keeping things creative when my friends are facing hardships, addressing problems collectively, drawing on the wealth of our communal talents

Example: I have

Articulate Your Value

Is it CLEAR, or actually a vague concept?

Value phrases can be too vague to be useful for design. Make sure your phrase names something specific enough that it could guide a person's choices.

When you manage to live by your value, what are you noticing? What specific aspects of the situation should your value phrase bring into the foreground?

Can you make that/those thing(s) more clear and salient in your phrasing?

approach things ___, treat people ___, act ___, keep things ___, live life ___

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← Click here for an example and to check your value.

Example: I have a value around "how to be when receiving criticism"

Bad formulations

Better Formulation

Now it's your turn!

When you manage to live by your value, what specific ways of showing up are actually important to you?

Now rephrase your value to make that/those thing(s) stand out:

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← Click here for an example and to check your value.

Example: I have a value around "how I want to treat my friends in tough times"

Bad formulations of my value

Now it's your turn!

When you manage to live by your value, what do you remember? What are some improvisational directives you could give to yourself in that context?

Now rephrase your value to to be about how to proceed:

Write your 🌳 Personal Value as a phrase here:

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Treat people... Act... Approach things... Keep things...

Step 1: Come up with potential Hard Steps

Come up with many imperfect hard steps. You can filter, make them more specific and refine them later.

Ask yourself:

You lived by your value! What actions did you do to get there? Write yourself a recipe.
Scan what you wrote down so far. Anything missing in between? Anything that you need to do in preparation of or after the event?
Scan what you wrote so far again. Which of those seems hard? What exactly is hard to do? Where do my attempts to live by this value usually break down? Can you zoom into what exactly makes it hard?

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The Second Cheat Sheet: What's the action that is hard to do?

Noticing—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Attending to something, Tracking something.
Feeling—Noticing, Identifying the emotion, Disentangling the immediate cause and associated beliefs.
Focusing—Noticing, Selecting what to focus on, Attending to Something, Shifting focus, Tracking something over time, Keeping in mind, Staying in Touch with, Not getting distracted.
Recognizing, Identifying—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Having a Referent (e.g. previous experience with the thing I am trying to identify)
Gathering information, Finding out—Discovering, Investigating, Scanning for—Knowing what you need (to know, to look out for), Gaining access, Interpreting what you learn.
Remembering, Recalling—Remembering how to do something or explicit knowledge, Having gained that knowledge, Remembering to remember.
Generating, imagining alternatives (creativity)
Assessing, discerning—Assessing, Evaluating, Discerning, Telling whether, Separating, Identifying.
Deciding, Weighing, Choosing—Trading off, Prioritising, Balancing more than one concern, Choosing the best ... (team, time, space)
Modeling, Foreseeing—Modeling interactions, Stepping into the shoes of the other, Foreseeing consequences, Anticipating.
Changing Situations and Games—Making space for, Creating, Getting, Finding, Arranging, Collecting, Building, Borrowing, Asking for support with, Pausing, Rearranging
Social Skills—Negotiating, Listening, Asking, Understanding, Reminding, Providing support, Stepping into their shoes, Empathy
Resources, Capacity, Experience—Setting yourself up ahead of time to do hard things later.
Changing Course, Dealing with Setbacks—Accepting, Sitting with, Bearing, Knowing it's okay, Improvising, Stepping back, Aborting, Changing mental model, gear, lens.

What aspects of your environment do you have to take into account?

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The First Cheat Sheet: Scanning your context

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Logistics and Resources you might require to live by a value

The (right) equipment (to) remember, identity, find, arrange, collect, build, borrow ❓Do you need a special kind of equipment? What’s hard to do about knowing what you need or getting those things?
The (right) people (to) identify, gather, select, find, get on board, convince, build relationships with ❓Does this value require a specific person? If so, what’s hard to do about gathering people who fit the criteria? What’s hard to do about knowing where to find them? What kind of information would you need to tell if someone is right? What’s hard to do about gathering that information? ❓What would you need to set up long in advance?
The (right) time and timing (to) identify, notice, make, schedule ❓Does the moment need to be right? What would you need to be able to tell if the moment is right? What’s hard to do about evaluating that?
The (right) setting (to) imagine, find, identify, set up, make, negotiate, decorate ❓Is this value easier in a specific setting? If so, what’s hard to do about creating that setting? ❓Do you need a certain mood or situation? If so, what’s hard to do about setting that mood / getting into that situation?

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The inner world of the other, the audience and myself

Current capacity and needs (physical, intellectual, emotional) (to) Assess, bolster, provide support, keep in mind, make space for, listen to, ask about ❓What do you need to be capable of handling as it unfolds? What is hard to do about that?
Skills, ability (to) Assess, bolster, practice, grow, accommodate, keep in mind
Current mood/emotions (to) Assess, make space for, acknowledge, change plans for, improvise, change gears, model, foresee, track, keep in mind ❓What do you need to be able to feel? What’s hard to do about that? What’s hard to do about knowing when you’re ready to handle and feel those things? ❓Do you need a certain mood? What’s hard to do about setting that mood? ❓Does this value require a person to be in a specific state? If so, what’s hard to do about getting people into that state? What kind of information would you need in order to tell if someone is in the right state? What’s hard to do about gathering that info? Is the state you/they need to be in fragile? What’s hard to do about getting yourself/others there?
Limiting beliefs (to) notice, identify, name, process, make time for, sit with, keep in mind, not get drawn into

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The relationship with the other, the audience and people not even present

Sense of safety, trust (to) Assess, reassure, call to mind, remember, remind, provide support, keep in mind, ask about ❓Are there reasons it might be unsafe to do this? What kind of information do you need to decide? What’s hard to do about figuring out whether it’s safe in this particular situation?
How might they see and understand me (to) model, assess, step into their shoes, remember, ask about, listen to, adjust course
Status, Relationship Durability, Communication, Willingness to cooperate (to) assess, take into account, change, remember, remind, track over time, change, ignore, make space for, address

Other consequences living by this value might have (to) assess, accept, sit with, make space for, hear out, mitigate, prepare for, remember, change, ignore

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Your potential hard steps go in here. Once done, copy and plug into step 2.

Step 2: Screen and Pick

Go through the list of potential hard steps. Maybe kick some out. Improve them one by one.

Ask yourself:

Is it necessary for living by the value? (i.e. if you could never do this, could you not live by the value?) If it is not really necessary to live by this value, tag as 🎉 (not necessary) or kick out. Ask yourself: Is there a related action, that IS necessary?

Is it hard? (at least for some people, some of the time) If it is not really hard (for some people, some of the time), tag as 🚲 (not hard) or kick out. If you are not sure, ask yourself: "What is it that is hard about this?"

Is it general enough to apply across cases? (e.g. a classroom, a hospital, a chatroom; lover, friend, parent) If it is so specific that it doesn't apply across contexts tag as ❄️ (too specific) or kick out. Which action IS hard to take across cases?

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The Second Cheat Sheet: What's the action that is hard to do?

Noticing—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Attending to something, Tracking something.
Feeling—Noticing, Identifying the emotion, Disentangling the immediate cause and associated beliefs.
Focusing—Noticing, Selecting what to focus on, Attending to Something, Shifting focus, Tracking something over time, Keeping in mind, Staying in Touch with, Not getting distracted.
Recognizing, Identifying—Noticing an internal or external stimulus, Having a Referent (e.g. previous experience with the thing I am trying to identify)
Gathering information, Finding out—Discovering, Investigating, Scanning for—Knowing what you need (to know, to look out for), Gaining access, Interpreting what you learn.
Remembering, Recalling—Remembering how to do something or explicit knowledge, Having gained that knowledge, Remembering to remember.
Generating, imagining alternatives (creativity)
Assessing, discerning—Assessing, Evaluating, Discerning, Telling whether, Separating, Identifying.
Deciding, Weighing, Choosing—Trading off, Prioritising, Balancing more than one concern, Choosing the best ... (team, time, space)
Modeling, Foreseeing—Modeling interactions, Stepping into the shoes of the other, Foreseeing consequences, Anticipating.
Changing Situations and Games—Making space for, Creating, Getting, Finding, Arranging, Collecting, Building, Borrowing, Asking for support with, Pausing, Rearranging
Social Skills—Negotiating, Listening, Asking, Understanding, Reminding, Providing support, Stepping into their shoes, Empathy
Resources, Capacity, Experience—Setting yourself up ahead of time to do hard things later.
Changing Course, Dealing with Setbacks—Accepting, Sitting with, Bearing, Knowing it's okay, Improvising, Stepping back, Aborting, Changing mental model, gear, lens.

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Copy and paste your potential hard steps from Step 1 in here. Improve them one by one. Is there any way to live by the value without doing this step? Is it hard to do? Does it apply across cases? Is it an instruction you could turn into action right away?

Questions?

Your trainer will be available to answer them in the dojo. Write everything down that you don't quite understand, so you don't forget to ask.

🎊 All done. See you in class!

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This page is under constant development. Soon there'll be a fresh paragraph somewhere in here comparing and contrasting Hard Steps with Murphyjitsu (scroll down to "Murphyjitsu")

Level 4: Hard Steps

🐾 Hard Steps, Step by Step

Step 1: Come up with potential Hard Steps

Cheat Sheet 1: Challenging aspects of the situation

Step 2: Screen and Improve

Cheat Sheet 2: Action Verbs 🦸🏽‍♂️🦹🏻‍♀️

What does that look like in action?

A Summary: What is not a Hard Step and thus kick-out-able?

Questions?

Almost there — Breathing break!

👣 Your turn!

Before you start: Pick a Value

Change the Story, Get More Stories, Take a New Perspective:

Serge:

Nathan:

Is it CLEAR, or actually a vague concept?

Is it AWARENESS-GUIDING, or actually an instruction?

Is it an ACTIONABLE DIRECTIVE or actually a description?

Articulate Your Value

Is it CLEAR, or actually a vague concept?

Step 1: Come up with potential Hard Steps

Step 2: Screen and Pick

Questions?

🎊 All done. See you in class!