Note: In order get quality emotional information, cultivate a feeling of psychological safety. Don't make them feel judged or under examination. Be welcoming, loving, curious, and excited!
When you're ready, find someone who will be your interviewee as you walk through this exercise.
Harvesting Values with a Structured Interview
📋 Listen to what happened without judgement. Take notes!
Emotions to Values (with a cheat sheet)
Uncomfortable emotions point to a personal value—some inherently worthwhile way of treating people/acting/approaching things/keeping things—that was crowded out of a person's awareness. This chart makes that relationship visible.
Aisha felt frustrated because people were late. Her ability to let her personal value guide her awareness either seemed to be blocked or needed to be protected.
❣️Emotion:
ex.: frustrated
What happened:
ex.: people were late
🌳Relationship to Value
ex.: seemed to be blocked (or) needed to be protected
Now we're ready to investigate how we can capture Aisha's personal value in words.
👱🏼Lian felt deeply hurt. Her friend had said cruel things about her. When she was under attack, her ability to let her personal value guide her awareness either seemed unsafe or needed to be identified and nurtured.
❣️Emotion:
hurt
What Happened:
friend had said cruel things
🌳Relationship to Value
seemed to be unsafe (or) needed to be indentified and nurtuted
Now we're ready to investigate how we can capture Lians' personal value in words.
👴🏿 Abeo’s desire to win had taken over. His ability to let his personal value guide his awareness either seemed to be neglected or needed to be recovered. He felt guilty about having cheated in the game.
❣️Emotion:
guilty
What Happened:
cheated in the game
🌳Relationship to Value
seemed to be neglected (or) needed to be recovered
Now we're ready to investigate how we can capture Abeo's personal value in words.
Now decide on one (or more) emotion(s) that were most clear and present. Then write down the ❣️emotion, what happened, and it's🌳 relationship to a value (using the chart).
❣️Emotion:
What Happened:
🌳 Relationship to Value
Remember: you're trying to capture in words something that was most likely non-verbal.
Take notes!
❣️Emotion Questions
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is blocked?
What way of being has no space here?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is blocked?
What way of being is not safe to emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is blocked?
What way of being is not safe to emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is threatened?
What way of being can you not bear to give up on?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is threatened?
What way of being can you not bear to give up on?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is threatened?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living is overridden?
What value did you fail to live by?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living did you neglect?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living did you neglect?
What did you fail to prioritise?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living did you give up on?
What do you no longer trust yourself with?
Take Notes:
What's worth honoring?
What way of living is lost for now?
What way of living has become impossible?
Take Notes:
What is worth protecting?
What way of living is violated?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living is estranged?
Take Notes:
What is worth protecting?
What way of living is violated?
Take Notes:
What is worth protecting?
What way of living is violated?
Take Notes:
What's worth honoring?
What way of living is lost for now?
What way of living has become impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth honoring?
What way of living is lost for now?
What way of living has become impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth honoring?
What way of living is lost for now?
What way of living has become impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth recentering around?
What way of living is out of focus?
What way of living do you not know how to bring to this?
What ways of living seem to be in conflict with each other?
Take Notes:
What's worth recentering around?
What way of living is out of focus?
What way of living do you not know how to bring to this?
What ways of living seem to be in conflict with each other?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living is unsafe to emerge?
What's worth identifying?
What way of living would allow the above emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living is unsafe to emerge?
What's worth identifying?
What way of living would allow the above emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living is unsafe to emerge?
What's worth identifying?
What way of living would allow the above emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living is unsafe to emerge?
What's worth identifying?
What way of living would allow the above emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth demoting?
What way of living doesn't make sense anymore?
What's worth embracing?
What way of living will save the above?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
🥋 Wisdom Moves
(click on the ▶ toggles for examples)
Values can get crowded out by internalized expectations. If you notice a negative self-image, perform a Self-Image Flip by asking them what the positive reversal of that would be.
Example: I just felt so weak in that moment...
What is your strong self like? How does that self (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life)?
Example: I'm completely incompetent...
What would it look like for you to be capable? How would you be able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life)?
Values can also get crowded out by external factors. In that case, find a question by performing a System Fix — getting rid of the problem.
Example: I was scared to say anything because I might lose my job.
How would you have been able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life) if you knew that you couldn't lose your job?
Example: The deadline was coming up, and I was just getting more and more frustrated...
How would you have been able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life) if you knew that you had all the time you needed?
Sometimes people have trouble seeing that their values aren't tied to the specifics of one story. In that case, find a question that invites them to think about similar Bad Times or Better Times.
Example (Bad Times): I just got so frustrated by the whole thing.
Are there other times that you have been frustrated like that? What way of (approaching things/treating people/acting/ keeping things/living life) seems blocked in those moments?
Example (Better Times): I felt like it didn't even matter if I was there.
Can you think of a time when it seemed like it mattered that you were there? What was different? How were you able to (approach things/act/treat people/keep things)?
You want to make sure that you don't only see your own personal value in another person's story. But saying what that value means for you can give them something to push against.
Example (Interviewer's Values): I guess it's a kind of authenticity.
When I'm being authentic, it's about sharing my feelings in a way that immediately resonates in my body. Is it like that for you too, or is it something else?
Sometimes people haven't reflected on their story before (or maybe they aren't very self-reflected in general). In that case, ask them for some Advice they would give themselves.
Example: It was all just so hopeless...
What advice would you give to yourself in that situation if you could go back? What way of (approaching things/treating people/acting/ keeping things/living life) would be important to remember?
Sometimes people's more easily recognize values they Admire or Appreciate in others.
Example: ...and then I just felt horrible about the whole thing...
Can you think of a person who would have handled that situation really well? How would they have (approached things/acted/treated people/kept things)? [CAREFUL: you might get an image they are pressuring themselves with here. If so, bring it back to a value or use another move.]
Reggie Luedtke came up with this. I'm not exactly sure why it works, but it's got a pretty solid track record. What wasn't being loved/is worth loving in this situation?
Example: ...and then I just felt horrible about the whole thing...
What would it look like if love would have been guiding your choices? How would you have been (approaching things/ treating people / acting / keeping things)? Alternately: What's worth loving in this situation?
Outline the story again, but from the outside... as if it were about someone else. How is that person having trouble (treating people/acting/approaching things/keeping things)?