When you hear someone express an uncomfortable emotion, practice getting to their value with these cheat codes.
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is blocked?
What way of being has no space here?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is blocked?
What way of being is not safe to emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is blocked?
What way of being is not safe to emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is threatened?
What way of being can you not bear to give up on?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is threatened?
What way of being can you not bear to give up on?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is threatened?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living is overridden?
What value did you fail to live by?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living did you neglect?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living did you neglect?
What did you fail to prioritise?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living did you give up on?
What do you no longer trust yourself with?
Take Notes:
What's worth honoring?
What way of living is lost for now?
What way of living has become impossible?
Take Notes:
What is worth protecting?
What way of living is violated?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living is estranged?
Take Notes:
What is worth protecting?
What way of living is violated?
Take Notes:
What is worth protecting?
What way of living is violated?
Take Notes:
What's worth honoring?
What way of living is lost for now?
What way of living has become impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth honoring?
What way of living is lost for now?
What way of living has become impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth honoring?
What way of living is lost for now?
What way of living has become impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth recentering around?
What way of living is out of focus?
What way of living do you not know how to bring to this?
What ways of living seem to be in conflict with each other?
Take Notes:
What's worth recentering around?
What way of living is out of focus?
What way of living do you not know how to bring to this?
What ways of living seem to be in conflict with each other?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living is unsafe to emerge?
What's worth identifying?
What way of living would allow the above emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living is unsafe to emerge?
What's worth identifying?
What way of living would allow the above emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living is unsafe to emerge?
What's worth identifying?
What way of living would allow the above emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living is unsafe to emerge?
What's worth identifying?
What way of living would allow the above emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth demoting?
What way of living doesn't make sense anymore?
What's worth embracing?
What way of living will save the above?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
Change the Story, Get More Stories, Take a New Perspective:
Values can get crowded out by internalized expectations. If you notice a negative self-image, perform a Self-Image Flip by asking them what the positive reversal of that would be.
Example: I just felt so weak in that moment...
What is your strong self like? How does that self (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life)?
Example: I'm completely incompetent...
What would it look like for you to be capable? How would you be able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life)?
Values can also get crowded out by external factors. In that case, find a question by performing a System Fix — getting rid of the problem.
Example: I was scared to say anything because I might lose my job.
How would you have been able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life) if you knew that you couldn't lose your job?
Example: The deadline was coming up, and I was just getting more and more frustrated...
How would you have been able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life) if you knew that you had all the time you needed?
Sometimes people have trouble seeing that their values aren't tied to the specifics of one story. In that case, find a question that invites them to think about similar Bad Times or Better Times.
Example (Bad Times): I just got so frustrated by the whole thing.
Are there other times that you have been frustrated like that? What way of (approaching things/treating people/acting/ keeping things/living life) seems blocked in those moments?
Example (Better Times): I felt like it didn't even matter if I was there.
Can you think of a time when it seemed like it mattered that you were there? What was different? How were you able to (approach things/act/treat people/keep things)?
You want to make sure that you don't only see your own personal value in another person's story. But saying what that value means for you can give them something to push against.
Example (Interviewer's Values): I guess it's a kind of authenticity.
When I'm being authentic, it's about sharing my feelings in a way that immediately resonates in my body. Is it like that for you too, or is it something else?
Sometimes people haven't reflected on their story before (or maybe they aren't very self-reflected in general). In that case, ask them for some Advice they would give themselves.
Example: It was all just so hopeless...
What advice would you give to yourself in that situation if you could go back? What way of (approaching things/treating people/acting/ keeping things/living life) would be important to remember?
Sometimes people's more easily recognize values they Admire or Appreciate in others.
Example: ...and then I just felt horrible about the whole thing...
Can you think of a person who would have handled that situation really well? How would they have (approached things/acted/treated people/kept things)? [CAREFUL: you might get an image they are pressuring themselves with here. If so, bring it back to a value or use another move.]
Reggie Luedtke came up with this. I'm not exactly sure why it works, but it's got a pretty solid track record. What wasn't being loved/is worth loving in this situation?
Example: ...and then I just felt horrible about the whole thing...
What would it look like if love would have been guiding your choices? How would you have been (approaching things/ treating people / acting / keeping things)? Alternately: What's worth loving in this situation?
Outline the story again, but from the outside... as if it were about someone else. How is that person having trouble (treating people/acting/approaching things/keeping things)?
A list of "high-level concepts" to use when moving toward awareness-guiding values:
🌳 Preliminary Personal Value:
🌳 Awareness-Guiding Personal Value: (take notes, and keep a running "best guess")
