• The (right) equipment (to) remember, identity, find, arrange, collect, build, borrow ❓Do you need a special kind of equipment? What’s hard to do about knowing what you need or getting those things?
• The (right) people (to) identify, gather, select, find, get on board, convince, build relationships with ❓Does this value require a specific person? If so, what’s hard to do about gathering people who fit the criteria? What’s hard to do about knowing where to find them? What kind of information would you need to tell if someone is right? What’s hard to do about gathering that information? ❓What would you need to set up long in advance?
• The (right) time and timing (to) identify, notice, make, schedule ❓Does the moment need to be right? What would you need to be able to tell if the moment is right? What’s hard to do about evaluating that?
• The (right) setting (to) imagine, find, identify, set up, make, negotiate, decorate ❓Is this value easier in a specific setting? If so, what’s hard to do about creating that setting? ❓Do you need a certain mood or situation? If so, what’s hard to do about setting that mood / getting into that situation?

• Current capacity and needs (physical, intellectual, emotional) (to) Assess, bolster, provide support, keep in mind, make space for, listen to, ask about ❓ What do you need to be capable of handling as it unfolds? What is hard to do about that?
• Skills, ability (to) Assess, bolster, practice, grow, accommodate, keep in mind
• Current mood/emotions (to) Assess, make space for, acknowledge, change plans for, improvise, change gears, model, foresee, track, keep in mind ❓What do you need to be able to feel? What’s hard to do about that? What’s hard to do about knowing when you’re ready to handle and feel those things? ❓Do you need a certain mood? What’s hard to do about setting that mood? ❓Does this value require a person to be in a specific state? If so, what’s hard to do about getting people into that state? What kind of information would you need in order to tell if someone is in the right state? What’s hard to do about gathering that info? Is the state you/they need to be in fragile? What’s hard to do about getting yourself/others there?
• Limiting beliefs (to) notice, identify, name, process, make time for, sit with, keep in mind, not get drawn into

• Sense of safety, trust (to) Assess, reassure, call to mind, remember, remind, provide support, keep in mind, ask about ❓Are there reasons it might be unsafe to do this? What kind of information do you need to decide? What’s hard to do about figuring out whether it’s safe in this particular situation?
• How might they see and understand me (to) model, assess, step into their shoes, remember, ask about, listen to, adjust course
• Status, Relationship Durability, Communication, Willingness to cooperate (to) assess, take into account, change, remember, remind, track over time, change, ignore, make space for, address

Values can get crowded out by internalized expectations. If you notice a negative self-image, perform a Self-Image Flip by asking them what the positive reversal of that would be.

Example: I just felt so weak in that moment...

What is your strong self like? How does that self (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life)?

Example: I'm completely incompetent...

What would it look like for you to be capable? How would you be able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life)?

Values can also get crowded out by external factors. In that case, find a question by performing a System Fix — getting rid of the problem.

Example: I was scared to say anything because I might lose my job.

How would you have been able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life) if you knew that you couldn't lose your job?

Example: The deadline was coming up, and I was just getting more and more frustrated...

How would you have been able to (approach things/treat people/act/keep things/live life) if you knew that you had all the time you needed?

Sometimes people have trouble seeing that their values aren't tied to the specifics of one story. In that case, find a question that invites them to think about similar Bad Times or Better Times.

Example (Bad Times): I just got so frustrated by the whole thing.

Are there other times that you have been frustrated like that? What way of (approaching things/treating people/acting/ keeping things/living life) seems blocked in those moments?

Example (Better Times): I felt like it didn't even matter if I was there.

Can you think of a time when it seemed like it mattered that you were there? What was different? How were you able to (approach things/act/treat people/keep things)?

You want to make sure that you don't only see your own personal value in another person's story. But saying what that value means for you can give them something to push against.

Example (Self-Reference): I guess it's a kind of authenticity.

When I'm being authentic, it's about sharing my feelings in a way that immediately resonates in my body. Is it like that for you too, or is it something else?

Sometimes people haven't reflected on their story before (or maybe they aren't very self-reflected in general). In that case, ask them for some Advice they would give themselves.

Example: It was all just so hopeless...

What advice would you give to yourself in that situation if you could go back? What way of (approaching things/treating people/acting/ keeping things/living life) would be important to remember?

Sometimes people's more easily recognize values they Admire or Appreciate in others.

Example: ...and then I just felt horrible about the whole thing...

Can you think of a person who would have handled that situation really well? How would they have (approached things/acted/treated people/kept things)? [CAREFUL: you might get an image they are pressuring themselves with here. If so, bring it back to a value or use another move.]

Reggie Luedtke came up with this. I'm not exactly sure why it works, but it's got a pretty solid track record. What wasn't being loved/is worth loving in this situation?

Example: ...and then I just felt horrible about the whole thing...

What would it look like if love would have been guiding your choices? How would you have been (approaching things/ treating people / acting / keeping things)? Alternately: What's worth loving in this situation?

Outline the story again, but from the outside... as if it were about someone else. How is that person having trouble (treating people/acting/approaching things/keeping things)?

Serge:

Treat people with curiosity as if they are mirrors of the greater, unconscious aspects of myself and as unique sources of insight into the landscape of my inner worlds

Nathan:

Live life in a way that supports others in discovering and enacting their best understanding of self-care

Bad formulations

• "Community". Imagine asking a theater director how you should play a friendship scene, and she says "community". I think you see the problem here.
• "Be Kind". Again, it's not clear how I could approach the situation, or what potential choices should stand out. I can't design with this formulation of my value.
• "Approaching things with a concrete sense of philosophical equanimity". What does that even mean? Often people will come up with a value that sounds interesting, poetic, or smart, but is actually so abstract that it doesn't matter to them in direct experience.

Better Formulation of a value around "how to be while criticizing people"

When you manage to live by your value, what are you noticing? What specific aspects of the situation should your value phrase bring into the foreground?

What I notice, and need to foreground: That we're both human beings, and that I make mistakes all the time, and that I often don't handle things the way I would have wanted to

How would you tell an actor to be in a scene where they make choices based on that?

Personal Value: approach other people's faults with humility and compassion, relate to them in a way that is deeply mindful of your own imperfections

Bad formulations

• "Criticize people in a way that doesn't upset them". This is clear, but doesn't show me where I should direct my awareness. (It's about a goal with other people).
• "Stay calm, and don't take things too personally". This is perhaps decent advice, but it's also an instruction, and doesn't help me focus my awareness on relevant choices.
• "Stick together through thick and thin". I can imagine what I'm supposed to do, but it's still just an instruction. Like "stay calm", it won't guide me towards what is important when I am making real choices.

Better Formulation of a value around "how to be while receiving criticism"

I need to figure out where to direct my attention. Not what to do, but how is it important to be when people are criticizing me.

Where should you direct your attention in order to live by this personal value?

Where Should I direct my attention?: That I stay open to connection. That I don't lose touch with the person and the relationship because I don't want to look at what they are showing me.

Rephrase the personal value to make those things stand out:

Personal Value: connect fearlessly, trust the person behind the mirror that they are holding up to you

Bad formulations

• "See the plank in my own eye when I look at the speck in yours". This might be capturing what inspires me when I reflect on my experience. But how would I act on this Biblical image? It's better to use less poetic language.
• "Don't feel resigned and isolated in difficult situations". This points in the direction of something important, but also isn't actionable. It doesn't really foreground choices that I could make.
• "Recognize that other people aren't the final judge of who I am". This is also in the direction of something important. But it wouldn't really foreground specific choices.

Better Formulation of a value around "how I want to treat my friends in tough times"

What are some ideas that would be important to keep in mind when things get difficult for friends? How would you tell an actor to approach a scene in which she lives by this value?

How would I tell an actor to play a scene with this value?: Think outside the box, and find solutions that could arise from collective efforts that wouldn't have been available to any one of you alone

Rephrase your personal value to be more about how to proceed:

Personal Value: keeping things creative when my friends are facing hardships, addressing problems collectively, drawing on the wealth of our communal talents

Example: I have a value around "how to be when receiving criticism"

Bad formulations

Better Formulation

Now it's your turn!

When you manage to live by your value, what specific ways of showing up are actually important to you?

Now rephrase your value to make that/those thing(s) stand out:

Example: I have a value around "how I want to treat my friends in tough times"

Bad formulations of my value

Now it's your turn!

When you manage to live by your value, what do you remember? What are some improvisational directives you could give to yourself in that context?

Now rephrase your value to to be about how to proceed: